- "I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I would rather dance with cows until you come home." - Groucho Marx, "Duck Soup"
- Truth be told, Napoleon couldn't really ride a horse that well. I'm thinking because he always had that hand in his coat - - because of stomach problems.
- The rarest diamond is blood red or the one that I would buy.
- You have a greater chance of contracting rabies from a cow than a rat. You, not me.
- If you need helium, try going to Kansas. By the way, we refused to give Germany helium, so they couldn't use it in the Hindenburg. Boom.
- Illinois was once called the "Sucker State." It still feels that way today.
- Mistletoe is a parasite, so kiss me now.
- The thumb has its own area of control in the brain. Thumbs up to that one. Yes, that was stupid.
- As for age, you could call the sun, middle-aged. A crisis is coming.
- There are about 2,000,000 mites in an average double bed. I'll suggest 2,000,003.
- During the day, the sun causes your house to stretch.
- Metal hangers are sagging from the weight and as a result are giving off an ultra-low frequency groan, if you will. No, I will not. But call them Humming Hangers.
- Yes, anti-freeze is used in some toothpaste.
- A bolt of lightning is never straight.
- If we landed on Venus, we would suffocate, be crushed and roasted - - simultaneously. Road trip?
- The Jet Stream wasn't discovered until World War II.
- The world's greatest mountain range lies below the ocean.
- There is no air on the moon so shut up, I can't hear you anyway.
- Buckingham Palace was built on top of a sewer...a very large sewer.
- Cold water holds more oxygen than warm water.
- No way was George Washington standing on that boat when it went to the other side. Standing up, what the? Wow, he could have easily taken a dive plus he would have been an easy target. Surely someone would have said, sit down George, you are rocking the boat.
- Hey, for the last time, the potato is actually a modified stem, not a root. Huh?
- Fleas do not like vitamin B. It really is that simple so let's move on. Wait, we are not done yet. They also hate the smell of cedar.
- Worms do not have ears.
- Eleanor Barry loved reading. She loved it so much she had stacks of books everywhere. One day she fell asleep while reading and one of those stacks fell on her - - and killed her. The book she was reading was "How To Properly Stack Books." No, it was not. But she did die that way.
- Twelve cockroaches can live on the glue of a postage stamp for a week. Just one more reason to shut that place down.
- Rats can tread water up to three days but I still do not know why they want to.
- Chickens have no sweat glands. Sometimes I feel like I don't either.
- We ignore the majority of the sounds we hear on a daily basis. If we didn't we would go nuts.
- As a child, Abraham Lincoln taught his pet pig to play hide and seek. As an adult, Abe did things, too.
- William Henry Harrison brought his own cow to the White House. It was his wife. Oh, come on, we do not make jokes like that anymore. OK, he did it for the milk. The cow, that is.
- Bees do not swarm before a storm.
- I have just been informed that if a pig squeals in winter, there will be a blizzard. And this is not a squeal when you try to pull its tail. Stop it.
- Why aren't we eating chicken feathers as they are 97 percent protein?
- Ben Franklin had an IQ higher than Isaac Newton. Who doesn't? Oh, they were 145 to 130, respectively. Oh, one more item. That apple most likely did not fall on his head. Nearby, sure, not on his head.
- If you were alive 65 million years ago, well, you would be very old...
- Ouch! A baby giraffe is roughly 6 feet tall when born. I use roughly for mom and ouch as well.
- Abracadabra was once thought to be the cure for a fever.
- To the moon Alice...maybe not, but Silly Putty made it to the moon.
- The largest cell is an ostrich egg, sunny side up.
- Adam named the donkey after attending a Democratic Convention. Huh? Eve went for a snack.
- There is more gold in the oceans than in all the banks in the world.
- There are flightless flies in Hawaii. And I still can't catch them.
- Fish can get seasick.
- A giraffe's tongue is blue unless you let them suck on a cherry sucker.
- Some people actually think it is lucky to spit on the newborn or run lard on it.
- There just weren't that many caves so the primitive man and the use and talk of cave life could be called a stretch.
- In case you were wondering, Bonnie took 23 bullets; Clyde, 25. The car, many, too, but was mechanically unharmed.
-Fall is so because leaves fall, right? And it's not good if they all fall off the tree at one time...would surely hurt that tree.
- Sure, the Carpathia showed up hours later to help reach Titanic survivors but the Califorian should have. There radio was off and they failed to hear the warning.
- The Titanic head honcho was attempting a speed record, some say, and that is why he just kept going...
- I have been told that Pennsylvania fireflies flash green. So do Irish ones. OK, that was dumb.
- Big Ben is is the bell, not the clock. Either way, it, too is leaning, along with Wash. Monument, Leaning Tower and my Uncle Willie...
More history is a mystery from the files of Tidbits & Trivia...
- As for "survival of the fittest," it was not Charles Darwin who used it or said it first. That would be Herbert Spencer, a philosopher.
- It is simply a myth that Marie Antoinette ever said "Let them eat cake" - - at least in public. No evidence supports this but some point to a rival for creating it.
- The day after Thanksgiving is not the busiest or most money-producing sales day of the holiday season.
- Amusement parks are not empty on Super Bowl Sunday.
- Meanwhile, it was the grandson of Betsy Ross who invented the flag story and a newspaperman who invented the O'Leary's Cow story...
- He may have given it the name Sandwich did Earl, but, by no means did he invent it. As for the Duke of Earl, he had a hit song and did not gamble with Earl of Sandwich.
- A bellweather is actually a bellwether and it is a wether with a bell. Oh, that clears that one up. It is for shepherds. And Earl was no Duke, but that is another story.
- Stepping on that rusty nail as I did as a kid will not cause tetanus.
- All coffee does nothing for a drunk person is keep them awake, perhaps, but they stay drunk as they were.
- There is no evidence that P.T. Barnum said "There's a sucker born every minute." He got us again.
- If you truly want to know where Napoleon and his men met their Waterloo, try using La Haie Sainte.
- Cinderella's slippers were not glass. They were fur. Most likely white squirrel fur.
- Our blood is red because it hits the air and the oxygen, thus the red color. Blue would be more accurate.
- Bones are not dry as it seems or brittle as we hear. When in our body they are dripping with blood.
- Bulls do not see red and then get raging mad and charge. Nope, they are color-blind. It's more likely the waving of the cape and because some stranger is in the ring. "Hey, what the heck is that guy doing here"?
- There is no proof that Godiva rode naked through town. And her name was Godgifu.
- When they were surveying the dead after the Battle of Little Bighorn, no long-haired man could be found. Where was General (he was not a general) George Custer? Some say it was his arrogance that did them in.
- The Pony Express was a flop and a financial disaster. The Telegraph put it out of business.
- The bullfight did not originate in mainly in Spain, or at all.
- OK, the Baby Ruth candy bar name game is an odd one. President Cleveland's daughter Ruth was died in 1904 and the bar was invented 15 years later. Babe Ruth, Yankees, not likely. Now, I used to be a researcher for L.M. Boyd of Crown Syndicate and in his column, he noted: it was named after the grandaughter of the president of the Williamson Candy Company.
- You may have heard about Woodstock but if you know someone who loves it and who went, ask them where it was. It wasn't at Woodstock, NY. It was in a part of the town knows as Bethel. By the time I got to Woodstock, you were at the wrong place.
- Abraham Lincoln did not write that famous address on the back of an envelope nor did he do it on a train. Do it means, write it. The train ride was too bumpy and he had it done before the trip.
- Cleopatra an Egyptian? Nope.
- As Halloween approaches, let's remind each other that Frankenstein was the mad scientist and not the monster. Oh, but he could have been considered a monster with what he did, I suppose.
- We have all seen Atlas holding up the world. Well, he should only be holding up the sky if we paid any attention in class. Wait, I did and they told us the world idea.
For years I had a weekly trivia column published in The Big E, the product I ran and wrote for Sauk Valley Newspapers. Before that I was a researcher for L.M. Boyd and his Crown Syndicate and for other syndications as well. Two of them were Sports Features Syndicate and World Features.